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HaikuWrimo S2008: 30 by ~Kagitsune:iconKagitsune:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Nature > Haiku & Eastern


two mockingbirds
-philosophical discussion
on my fence posts
©2008-2009 ~Kagitsune
:iconkagitsune:

Author's Comments

Scene caught through my window... :D

One more to go, you guys! ^^ I know I have catch up a little, though... ^^;

Advanced Critique is welcome and much appreciated. ^w^

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 1 1
:iconbeccalicious:
`Beccalicious Aug 4, 2008, 2:09:03 AM
Hmm. I love the image, but I do find it a little wordy. It may be the ';philosophical discussions' in the middle that is doing it, but certainly I like the natural element of the image.

--
*Writers-Workshop

Lit folk hang here!

One-Act playwriting Contest
:iconkagitsune:
~Kagitsune Aug 4, 2008, 6:59:20 AM
Yes, it's really wordy, I agree. I just kind of submitted it "raw" right after I got the image, so... ^^;

You're not the only one to comment on wordiness -- it seems to be something I need to improve upon in my haiku in general! ^^;

Thanks for the critique! :D

--
直美 :: honest beauty ::
カギツネ :: A misspelled baby fox
:iconazraeldarkangel540:
Mood: Artistic ~AzraelDarkAngel540 Aug 10, 2008, 4:49:55 AM
like how all the words connect and can be interpreted.. 'two' duality, two sides of an argument 'mocking'birds, mocking the intrinsic nature of philosophy and how philosophers get lost in words; 'my fence posts' your borders..

A good haiku.. you pulled it off.. Haiku are tricky to execute, chiefly because of their strict and somewhat limited structure.

--
"All the world's a stage,
and all the men and women merely players:
they have their exits and their entrances;
and one man in his time plays many parts..."

— (William Shakespeare, As You Like It, 2/7)
:iconkagitsune:
~Kagitsune Aug 10, 2008, 5:23:45 AM
Hahahahaha! xD I didn't even think of how symbolic that really was! I just wrote what I saw.... xDDDD You're good at finding meaning to my madness... :3

I'm actually a real novice... there are a lot of really excellent haijin (haiku poets) who helped lead last month's HaikuWriMo... check out some of `MSJames's past journals for more info. :3

And thank you!! \^o^/

--
直美 :: honest beauty ::
カギツネ :: A misspelled baby fox
:iconazraeldarkangel540:
~AzraelDarkAngel540 Aug 11, 2008, 12:34:00 AM
Ah well I'm reading a degree in English and believe me sometimes I think we are members of the bomb disposal unit the way we dismantle literature in our search for meanings..

For a novice your work is actually very good :-)

And what is wrong with madness anyway?

--
"All the world's a stage,
and all the men and women merely players:
they have their exits and their entrances;
and one man in his time plays many parts..."

— (William Shakespeare, As You Like It, 2/7)
:iconkagitsune:
~Kagitsune Aug 11, 2008, 5:58:33 AM
xD Haha, I felt like that sometimes while we were in school! We really studied dissected this one woman's poetry, because she was coming to our school as a special guest. When we asked her questions about subtle symbolism and stuff, it turned out her poetry was quite simple and open-faced. xD

Thank you!! (/^w^)/

And there's nothing to wrong with madness in moderation... "Oh, a little nonsense, now and then, is relished by the wisest men" >:3

--
直美 :: honest beauty ::
カギツネ :: A misspelled baby fox
:iconazraeldarkangel540:
~AzraelDarkAngel540 Aug 11, 2008, 6:09:39 AM
oh it's nice that poets come to your school.. that would be a very interesting experience...

You're welcome!

Regarding madness.. I just watched The Dark Knight and never has madness appealed so much lol to me... as in the Joker..

--
"All the world's a stage,
and all the men and women merely players:
they have their exits and their entrances;
and one man in his time plays many parts..."

— (William Shakespeare, As You Like It, 2/7)
:iconkagitsune:
~Kagitsune Aug 11, 2008, 9:16:24 AM
Yeah, we had a really great fine arts program. It's a real shame the principal retired this year. ;_;

And I still haven't seen that movie! >_< My friend who works at the movie theater is supposed to take me...

--
直美 :: honest beauty ::
カギツネ :: A misspelled baby fox
:iconazraeldarkangel540:
~AzraelDarkAngel540 Aug 11, 2008, 12:29:27 PM
That program sounds really great... Shame we don't have something like that in Malta..

Regarding The Dark Knight you won't be disappointed, it's awesome!

--
"All the world's a stage,
and all the men and women merely players:
they have their exits and their entrances;
and one man in his time plays many parts..."

— (William Shakespeare, As You Like It, 2/7)
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